ok, lets get one thing straight right from the get go: i am NOT one of those starbucks girls. you know the ones, who wear scarves that match their mittens, instagram their coffee cups, and “host” weekly study dates, consisting of six hours of gossip, at the “big round table in the back”.

that sounded harsh. it’s actually great if you do all of the above.

however, occasionally i will need an excuse to rest my weary limbs for a moment, might need something to warm me up, or simply need to use a washroom and cannot, for some unknown reason, be a person who doesn’t buy something if they are using a restroom (a costly disorder that i intend to fix).

during these times of need, i will sometimes find myself waiting in line at a ‘bucks, having an internal debate over the purchase of a cake pop (how does one go about eating those?). let me tell you, there are not many things in life i do consistently, but with this one action, i never fail:

lying about my name. not only lying about what it is, but making up the most ridiculous, unlikely, difficulty-spelt, impossibly-pronounced name that my brain is capable of conjuring up. i will buy a crazy drink, instead of my preferred black coffee, just so that they will ask me my name.

watching the barista, who is trained in an exotic coffee bean language that is foreign to me, not only give me the stink eye when i ask for a “medium” drink (they know im an intruder), but then the sympathetic i-dont-even-know-what-you-just-said look when i tell them my name is parsnipkins.

think this is sad? i do! give it a try, anyways!

many more ways to “zest up your life” coming soon!!! (joking, kind of)