it’s beginning. facebookers and tweeters are taking to their social media devices to VOCALIZE THEIR DISTASTE for my most scared month, february. yeah, yeah, everyone hates february. for those of us who have winter, it’s usually slushy and cold and leaves us will little belief that summer will actually ever return. i scoff at this reasoning, however, because february holds the greatest day of the entire year, VALENTINES DAY.
most females that i come across have a bone to pick with v-day. is it because they are haunted by a past love? are they bitter with their current romantic situation, which is most likely nonexistent? did their crush in the third grade accidentally buy an incorrect amount of valentines, causing them to be the one person to miss out? PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SOMEONE ENLIGHTEN ME.
i have always been keen on this holiday. i’ll go as far to say that it is quite literally my favourite day of the year. when i drop this bomb on my female and male (but that’s no surprise) counterparts, there is usually some form of dramatic response that ends up questioning my sanity.
so why, you may ask, do i hold the day of the sexiest saint in such high regard? i’ll tell you, in a traditional list form, because i am one of those people who makes lists (we’ll get to that later).
–> as a child, valentines day is the one day that you get a loving present from your secret crush, even if everyone else gets one too and it was mandatory for them to give it. inclusiveness rules!!
–> it’s not because i’m hyperfeminine and it’s not even because i’m trying to root for a (formally) detested/unlikely combo (clashing colours), but i love the joint union of pink and red that obnoxiously forces its way into shoppers drug mart, various department stores, etc. you fools may not get it, but i’m particularly fond of any instance where opposites merge (like cats and dogs, lindsay lohan and sobriety – still waiting on that merge). it is symbolic of love, ya’ll!
–> the story of saint valentine is enough to make me swoon. saint v believed in love and the rights to marry SO heavily, that he was imprisoned and eventually BEHEADED for illegally marrying christian couples who were being prosecuted by claudius. ok i totally googled the story of saint v just to clarify some hazy facts, but that doesn’t take away the validity of my argument, mmk? not sure about you guys, but i think that’s top banana, especially because there is a huge fight for marriage equality happening in front of us today – GO GAY MARRIAGE!
–> i feel like an asshole for even having to mention this one to all ya’ll love-day haterzz, but chocolate is not only socially acceptable to eat in mass amounts on this day, it is highly encouraged.
–> ok i have mixed feelings about flowers, and that’s because many flowers are brought in from columbia, where female workers are brutally treated, BUT if you’re conscious about where your flowers are from, how can they not make you happy? whether you’re giving or receiving, flowers are a great reminder of the summer season that will soon be upon us.
–> valentines day encourages love! valentines day is all like “hey guys, if you love someone, let them know! with chocolates and cards and adorable candies that have lil messages, and flowers, and dates, and sexxxyy dim light and music”. all of you are like “yeah, well why do we need a holiday to remind people to do that?”…to that i say, because life is fast and hard (this is probably the title of a bruce willis movie) and sometimes we get caught up in the mix of things, and forget to let the ones we love just how much we love them. everyone needs a little reminder.
–> imagine if someone did come forward and admit they had a huge crush on you? GASP. i’ve never had it happen, but the prospect of it happening to someone, somewhere in the world is enough to make me blush.
so how can you drop the scrooge act and get on board the loooooooooveee boat this v-day?
–> send creepy, stalkerish cards to your friends!!! send normal, loving cards to your friends!! anonymity is required for both, to maintain ultimate humour/discomfort for the first option and to boost your friend’s ego with the second option.
–> have a party! be super girly! hyperfemininity can be overlooked for one day, OK. totally throw that bash that every teenage girl has in every coming-of-age movie (ok but not really) and get your girlfriends together, buy some ironic pink coloured champagne, watch the worst rom com that you know word by word because you actually secretly love it, eat a ton of candy, and give each other valentines.
–> tell someone you fancy them! even if it is your cat (smirk).
–> make dinner with your parents…cause they can’t ever turn you down.
–> get your marriage license and be responsible for a legal union of love. WHAT? a girl can dream.
so there you have it. this is probably one of the only instances where my resistance to conform has pushed me in the direction of the assumed stereotype: that all girls love valentines day. so, for all you suckers who hate valentines day, the day of love, just cause your wiggin’ on your “lack of love” – look around dummy! so many people love you, just maybe not the hottie you’ve been visually undressing for the past two months. so what! when i lived at home, my dad bought me roses every valentines day. when i went to university, my best guy friend and i made a point of going on a tacky date every valentines day. my last real valentine was this weirdo named mark in the first grade, who gave me his silver chain necklace? MARK BABY IF UR READING THIS, I STILL HAVE IT (not). so, open yer eyes, even if it isn’t romantic love you’re celebrating, there are plenty of other kinds.
especially if you have cat(s).